Friday, November 6, 2015

[I just discover this post had been a draft for over a year.  It's actually from October, or maybe November, of 2014.  I should've post this earlier, but now is as good any time.  And please check out the post for the collective novel for my friend Bill Mansker.]

Been a year since I post on my blog.  That's partly because of bizarre circumstances.  I lost my password to Google Mail, and when I changed it to be get back in, the email was sent to the very Google mail account I couldn't get into.  So I spent time doing other things.  Not until I realized I had my old Firefox program on my laptop was I able to get back into it.  Store password and all.
So now I can work on my blog again.
In the Interim I was working the revisions to my novel The Gonaymne Weapon, which is forthcoming from Montag Press.  I struggled with the revisions, but once I got into making the changes, things began to move rather smoothly.  My editor, Mara Hodges, made some great suggestions and I confess they came out really well.  A fine more minor suggestions to be dealt with, and it should prove a great read.
I've also been working on two other novels and some non-fiction.  One of the novels, which I'm calling Nirvana Express, is something I've been struggling with for a long time.  It's a novelization of my late first wife's life, with a strong fantasy element thread running through it.  It was really the only way for me to make it work.  My first wife told me also sorts of stories about her life, which I happen to know are true.

So let me tell you about her.  Her name was Vicki Sue Brown, and she eight years older than me (Among my other peccadillos, I've had a thing for older women, but now those older women are my age.)
As it happened, she'd been the teen-age mistress of an older, well-know music producer.  She was the daughter of a the president of the National Conference of Christian and Jews.  Her dad was a Texas farm boy who managed to overcome a hardscrabble life to go to college and eventually earn a doctorate in divinity studies.  He taught at Drake and at the Institute for Religious Studies at OU in the late 1930s.  The Institute was accused of communist sympathies.  He met my first wife’s mom in Norman, She was the daughter of a local dry goods store owner.

Vicki had been an editor with a literary magazine at the University of Oklahoma, where we  both went to school and where we met.  Later she was an editor for the University of Oklahoma Press.
Hell, my own life, I realized seems like a novel.
At one point, however, she began having auditory hallucinations the she was supposed to return to India for some of spiritual bless. 
Rocky was hardly the word for it.  She tried to killed herself, twice, and, fortunately, her mom was still alive then.  The death of her mother, however sent her over the edge.  One I came home from work and found she wasn’t there.  It was at work the next day that a hotel in Tulsa called me to say my wife and been found unconscious in one of their rooms.  She’d tried to overdose on pills and booze.  The hotel staff found her and got her to the hospital.  I had to drive the 120 miles to get her. 
I moved out and into my own house and resumed my relationship with nancy, who later became my wife.  During that period, I’d worked at jobs, including being the editor of a semi-weekly news paper in a suburb if Oklahoma City,  I managed to survive until


I'm not really a Xmas person.  Thirty-one years ago I spent my last Christmas with my father.  I knew it was going to b his last.  He had been ill for so long with heart and liver issues as well as diabetes.  We had already had several scares and would have several more before he died in the spring of 1984.  I have now lived longer without my father being alive than with him.  Since that Xmas, I've never really enjoyed the holiday season.  It didn't help that I was apparently developing Seasonal Affective Disorder, with which I still suffer.  A year later, a few days before Xmas, my first wife lost her father.  He died on our wedding anniversary. Her mother died within the next year.  I lost my mom in 2004.  My first wife and I were divorced in 1989, and she--who was very bipolar--committed suicide in 1992.  Her sister, with whom I was close, died in 2011. Nancy and I have celebrated 25 Xmas season and we'll celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on Jan. 1.  I don't know where the time went. Nor does anyone, I suppose.  Days like this make me realize my life is a minor soap opera, and Xmas is the annual low point.  But soon it will be spring.



This is the page that I hope will become a collectively written novel featuring my friend Bill Mansker as the hero.  Bill was rescued from five months of being homeless after he left a psychiatric treatment center in Colton, California.  Lots of Bill's friends displayed tremendous concern about Bill, so his being found (living among a homeless group only a mile or so from the hospital) is significant.

Bill, like me, has long been a science fiction fan, and I thought after his ordeal he needed to have a story about him, which includes bits of his real life, to show him just how much his friends worried about him.

This is meant to be that novel.  People may add to the story using the comment section and as it grows, I post the entirety of the novel as part of the main part of my blog.  There do, however , have to be some ground rules so we're all operating in roughly the same universe, and here they are:
Notes for Bill’s story.

1. The tower is based on one recently patented by Thoth Industries in Canada.  It is twenty kilometers high with a land structure at the top of the tower.  From the top shuttles can fly in the upper atmosphere and reach low earth orbit.

2. Bill’s home planet is called Silluria.  It’s an Earth-like planet in the midst of a terrible ice age.  It orbits a star about 15 light years away.

3. Siluria’s enemies are called the Suvique, and their leader is referred to as the Bey.

4. The weapons the Sillurians and the Suvique both use are personal railguns that fire semi-molten projectiles.  Their ships have larger versions of these weapons, in addition to laser and alpha beam weapons.

5. At the moment, the Sillurian forces are roughly organized like the Byzantine Empire, so the ranks (like Strategos) should reflect this.  If you don’t know these terms, you should check this website: <http://strolen.com/viewing/Byzantine_Military_Ranks>

6.  On Silluria, Bill is addressed as Nelglib Rexnam, his given name.

7. His Sillurian wife is a Dejah Thoris-type, but he constantly thinks about Patty. (As you might expect, he decides at the end to return to Patty on Earth.  Earth is, after all, paradise in the galaxy.)


8.  Everything else is fair game: space opera, sword and laser, etc.  You may create any aliens you want.  You may name a character after yourself, but try to restrict yourself to a last name. 

So, to get everyone started, here's the first chapter, written by yours truly.  Copyright will remain with each writer, but I hope to perhaps put this up on Kindle and direct the royalties to a charity that helps the homeless in California.

Chapter One
As the sun rose each morning, its rays struck the towering structure of the space elevator.  The elevator’s immense, long shadow fell across the length of the space center’s campus.  Part of the shadow fell across a small copse of pine trees on the south side of the complex.  The copse of trees itself filled a corner of the grounds of a regional hospital compound.  A colony of transients, mostly alcoholics, drug addicts, and psychiatric patients lived there.  The psychiatric patients, most of whom were also alcoholics or substance abusers, had either walked away from the hospital or had been released too early or by mistake.  With nowhere else to go or because relatives did not know they were missing, the homeless stayed close to the hospital.  There, social workers gave them foiled wrapped sandwiches and packets of fruit or candy.  The transients traded the packets among themselves for cigarettes and booze, which some of the younger homeless people had either shoplifted or had other folks buy for them.  Others were know to hang around taverns and clubs and pour the tail-end drops of booze from discarded bottles until they could fill another bottle or two full.  The result usually didn’t taste that good, but it was alcohol, and their bodies demanded it.
Sometimes the homeless would stand outside the fences and stare up at the elevator tower, which extended straight up twenty kilometers into the sky.  Many of them homeless had once worked at that complex, riding the elevators into the heavens and then down again.  Those who had worked at the very top of the structure, braving the winds and thin air to refuel and repair the shuttles that carried passengers are cargo into orbit, they were often the ones who had been confined to the psychiatric ward of the hospital, broken by the extreme conditions and the vertigo inducing heights, by the horrifying thought of plunging, screaming, earthward from twenty kilometers to be smashed to bloody pieces of meat and bone on the unforgiving surface. 
Most knew that the old tale, that you would be dead before you made impact, was simply a bald-face lie to sooth children and the stupidly ignorant.  They also were aware that no one, to their knowledge, had actually been blow off the tower.  It hardly mattered, however, because their own imaginations and fears and irrational phobias had worn down their sanity to a tissue thin membrane that could longer hold their minds together.
Yet even after all that, after their institutionalization and their treatment with psychotropic drugs and even surgeries, they hung onto both their fears and to the lofty structure that scraped the heavens and wrecked their minds.
That was true, however, for all but one man.  His name was William Glenn, although most people who knew him called him “Bill.” This man, who looked as emaciated as a concentration camp survivor, had barely turned sixty (although, in truth, for his kind, sixty was still comparatively young) He still possessed almost all the hair on his head, which was now grey and tied up in a ponytail.  He had never in his life been in a building higher than twenty stories, let alone a tower twenty kilometers into the heavens.  His friends thought he was quiet and a dreamer, with his dreams always up in the air, or even well off into space.  He was bright and intelligent, but those who knew him were often surprised at his naiveté and his odd lack of knowledge of even the simplest things.  He was also, however, a compassionate and caring friend, who had always been there when someone needed help.  Often, he had shared his last bite of food, his last cigarette, his last swig of booze with someone he thought was more desperately in need of it.  He had driven friends to the doctor when they were too ill to move, and had accompanied a friend when she had an abortion.  He had listened as friends opened their souls to him and told him the tales of their abusive lovers and mentors.
He would stand at the fence and stare up at the space elevator.  There was a wistful, longing expression on his face.  To others, as they watched him, his eyes were sad and lonely, his mouth open in a sorrowful way.  He was wanting something, or perhaps even remembering something he had lost and feared he could never regain.
“What do see when you look at the tower?” the other transients asked.  “What does it mean to you?”
“It is a way for me to go home,”
“Your home is not earth?” some asked.
“No,” he replied.
“Is your home in the sky? In heaven?” others asked.
“No, it is not in the sky,” he’d say.  “But the sky will help get me there.”
“Is it on another planet?” some wag would always inquire.
“Yes,” he would answer. “But it is not one you would know.  And while you can see its star, you do not know its real name either.”
 While a few individuals might laugh and dismiss his story, others asked him, “Why are you here?  Do you plan to invade us?”
“No,” he would say softly.  “I am here to recover, to recuperate, to have my sanity restored.  Yours is the sanctuary world.  Countless races envy you. Yours is the safe place in a hostile universe.  It is the utopia we all desire.  Even your pain and agony and the cruelties you endure is so much less than any place in the cosmos.  On some worlds, those who are religious believe that if you are pious and worthy, when you die you are reborn on Earth, where your soul is cleansed and healed.”
Then he would break down in tears, and the other homeless comforted him, an act of compassion virtually unheard of on any other world.
“Yours is a sacred place,” he’d sob.  “All other races have agreed to leave you alone, to only come here when someone must be treated in order to be cured and restored.  All races speak your name with awe and respect.  And, dare I say, with love.”
“Poor man.  Sad, crazy fellow,” the others would say.  “Such a fragile soul.  I hope someone can help him.”
They would caress his shoulders and hold his hands.   Some would say, “Bless you.”  Others asked, “How can I help?”
“Thank you,” he said through his tears.  “But others need you more than I do.  Take care of them when they appear among you, as you have done for me.”
Then the others would give him some food and something to drink and offer him a place to sleep in their camp, in their flimsy, but welcoming shelters.
  “Glenn?  Is there a William Glenn here?” he heard someone say one morning in autumn when the homeless came up to the hospital to seek food.
For a moment he hesitated to speak and identify himself.  Who wanted to know?
“William Glenn, your wife wants you to call her!”
He had a wife?  Yes, he remembered he did have a wife, and that she loved him very much.  But how could she be on Earth?  Surely she was back on their home world.
“I’m William Glenn,” he said, stepping forward.  He could see two California state troopers standing beside a hospital physician.
The doctor, whom William recognized as Dr.Redick, smiled.  Dr. Redick was a female physician whom most of the other inmates found was a caring, compassionate person.  She had a warm smile, emphasized by her beautiful lips.  Her eyes positively danced in accompaniment.  Some of the other patients, both male and female, had told him they found her husky, smoky voice sexy and alluring.  He couldn’t tell, although he thought it was friendly and considerate.
She handed William a cell phone. 
He raised it to his ear.  “Hello?” he said.
“Bill?  Is it really you?” a voice said.
“I suppose it is me.  I don’t know if I am anyone else,” he replied.  “And who are you?  I thought my wife was dead.”
“Bill, it’s Patty,” the voice said.  “Everyone who knows you thought it was you who was dead.”
The world seemed to have pulled out from under him.  He didn’t recall fainting, if he had fainted, but now he was staring into a clear, blue California sky.  He blinked, once, twice.
He could see massive arms and huge hands reaching down, grabbing his own arms and supporting his shoulders.  The two state troopers helped Bill to his feet.
“Are you okay?” one trooper asked.
Bill didn’t know what to say.  He had vague memories of encounters with cops, but they had not been pleasant.
“We’ll take you home,” the other trooper said.
Bill wanted to say “Thank you,” but his tongue seem paralyzed.  He mumbled consent.  The troopers led him to a patrol car and helped him inside.
The other homeless folks gathered around the car.  But they did nothing.  In fact, they seemed glad Bill had been found.
“Glad you’re going home,” one man said.
“Hope your home planet is okay and is as nice as Earth,” a woman said.
He shook his head.  “Nothing is as lovely as Earth.  You need to appreciate it and people more.”
The crowd of transients seemed to nod as one.  “We will, sir,” someone said.  “We will.”
He smiled, but inside he felt very sad.
Bill didn’t remember to drive to Patty’s house in Barstow.  All he knew was that he was in Colton one minute and in Barstow the next.  The troopers helped him from the car and led him to the door of a mobile home.  They knocked on the door.
A woman opened it.  Her face seemed tired and worried, riven with care and sadness.  When her eyes saw Bill, however, her eyes glistened and a smile broke out across her face.  She stepped forward and embraced him.  She began sobbing with joy.
Bill didn’t know how to respond.  His arms felt like lead and hung limply at his side.  He managed to get his right arm around her and tried to hug her.  Her sobs confused him.  What I am supposed to do, he asked himself, I’m supposed to kiss her head, aren’t I”
He puckered his lips and clumsily kissed her forehead.  His mouth was dry and there was a metallic taste on his tongue, but he could sense and even taste the joy and love being generated by her body.  He didn’t know what to do.
Patty released her hug and looked up at his face. 
The smile on her face and the tears from her eyes moved him.
“I love you,” she said.  “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”
“I…love…you, too,” he said, finding the words somehow strange, somehow odd to be coming from his mouth.
“Ma’am,” said one of the troopers. “You need to sign some forms, for out records.” The officer held out a metal clip board.
Patty released her grasp on Bill , took the clipboard from the trooper, and sign the papers.  “There.  I hope that’s all you need,” she said, thrusting the clipboard back at the officer.
The officer took back the clipboard.  He paused for a moment, as if thinking what to see.  ‘Thank you,” he said.  ‘I guess.”

As they stepped into Patty’s double-wide, Bill could see strange shapes sitting in two chairs by her dinner table.  The two figures seemed like dark specters to Bill.
One of the figures stood up, came around the table and stood in the light of the living room.
Bill gasped, sucking him breath.  The figure stood nearly two meters tall. 
The figure wore a black leather duster, leather gloves, and what appeared to be riding boots with silvery laces.  The figure also wore a dark grey fedora with a navy blue band around the crown.  The hat kept the figure's face hidden in dark shadows.  The figure's eyes were hidden behind glistening, silvery mirrorshades.  The lower part of the figure’s face seem oddly blue-white, which contrasted with almost pale maroon-colored lips.
Bill felt his heart racing.  He seemed to remember someone like this, but couldn’t remember when he had met this person before.  Just who was this person?
"Mrs Glenn," a deep, weirdly resonant voice said. 
Bill recognized that voice, a voice from the deepest depths of his memory
"It is time for us to go,  Strategos Rexnam,” the figure added.  “Your people need you.  It is a matter of life and death.”
A bone-chilling shiver ran down Bill’s spine.  He knew this was not good news.
Not good news at all.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

One thing I can say about my recent health scare is that it has gotten me writing again.  I started on a new novel which at the moment is mix of ideas.  I started with the concept of an lesbian vampire novel, (yes, I know that not original, but what is?) and setting in Richmond, with a secret centuries old anti-vampire, anti-gay group  called the LAW [the Lord's Army of Watchmen] based on a real life Baltic group,  and I notice violence against LGBT persons is disturbingly similar to violence again other people and even fantasy beings like vampires and werewolves. [Yes, I know it sounds like Dan Brown meets Bram Stoker, but it could be worse, believe me.] If one can understand the horrible monstrous things people have done out of the fear of the Other, or through a simply lack of compassion for others,  then it can be easier to purge demons from your past.  And by deliberate basing some characters on people I know, it's also helped me understand their own issues.  It was either the Roman poet Terrence or Oscar Wilde who said,  "Nothing human is alien to me."  Even though I'm a straight male, I realized I have had (and still have) a lot of gay and lesbian friends over the years, and I draw on them for the characters as well as tales told mainly by my late first wife and my having to deal with her bipolar disorder.   I had forgotten what a remarkable woman she was and drawing from her past as background for the main character,  I'm finding my own feelings about her.   By changing the protagonist's sexual orientation it also offers me some distance as well.  And a good writer--hell, simply a good human being--learns what empathizing with another person, even one whose course through your life was reckless and painful,  broadens your understanding of the human condition.

Maybe I'm being presumptuous, but in some ways it's much easier to create a character of a different race, gender, or sexual orientation that it is to create alien races, or strange beings or monsters from our ids.  I'd already been working on an idea for a vampire police detective in Oklahoma City and drawing on some real life horrific murders in the city.  But I think the characters in this project are a little fuller, and more real to me, and I think because I'm drawing on my own experiences with friends and my knowledge of events in ex-wife's life that I suddenly knew that this was a good idea.  Like a lot of writers, I'm reluctant to draw on my own emotions and experiences, but this way I can do just that as well as keeping a mental distance that's healthy and objective.  I don't know if it'll work, but it jumpstarted me and that is the best thing of all.  So far I've gotten a few scenes written and have worked on developing the secondary characters and the members of LAW--sometimes baddies are lot easier to create than good guys, perhaps because it is easier to believe villain's motivations.  So much simpler that our own--unless, of course, we are evil ourselves.  No title yet, and I'd like to avoid anything too "bloody" but that's not on my mind just yet.  But if you have a idea for a title or have a scene you'd like to see in someone's book somewhere sometime, let me know.  The worst I can say is "It stinks," which is a criticism we all faced in our infancy, and there's no getting over that.

To keep you updated on my health, i have an ultrasound on my kidneys tomorrow to check out a cyst on one that cam eup in a CAT scane, and then I'm meeting with my cardiologist and a vascular surgon. With luck, medication will control a lot of this, just as an new, additional blood pressure medication is helping with my hypertension.  All of these issue run on my mother's side of the family, so I suppose I should get made at my genes.  It's the hand I was dealt, but I don't intend to fold anytime soon.
What other choice do I have?
Till next time.


Thursday, August 15, 2013

On Sunday last I was just sitting at my laptop writing when I had a spasm in my jaw.  That’s not unusual as I have TMJ, the result of a bicycle accident back when I was  in college in which I went over the handlebars and landed on my chin.  Over the years this has been controlled through wearing night-guards fitted to my upper jaw, but I have also had spasms in that jaw at times.  Usually they’re triggered by sinus congestion or stress.  They come on suddenly and the pain is horrible for about ten to twenty minutes.
This time, however, the pain went down into my neck and across my shoulders.  I even felt it in my elbow joints.
That had never happened before.  Clearly something was wrong.
I drove myself to the emergency room and was checked in, had blood drawn, a blood pressure cuff put on, and was given a nitroglycerin jell patch—as a vaso-dilator to increase blood flow.  “This may cause a headache,” the nurse informed me.
It didn’t.  I seem to almost always not have the symptoms from medications that someone tells me I will have.
 After blood work was done, nothing seemed wrong,  except that my ProTime level (associated with Coumadin, which I’ve taken since I had heart surgery in 2002) was high at 4.0 instead of between 2.0 and 3.0.  I’d had it test about a two weeks earlier and it was perfect at 2.5. 
Then, after a second test, I had a minimally elevated troponin level, with an emphasis on “minimal.”  Troponin, however, is nothing to sneeze at, as it’s often the post-event sign of a heart attack.
My family apparently has a history of heart issues.  I had surgery to deal with an aortal aneurysm—a not uncommon condition that can lead to aortal dissection and death—and ended up with an artificial heart valve and a single by-pass.  Aneurysms are an issue on my mother ‘s side of the family, as my mom and an uncle in England both had surgeries for them.
This time things were far from clear.  I was kept overnight and the next day I had a CAT scan and an echo-cardiogram, neither of which apparently showed anything senior. So I spent a second night in the hospital and the next day was injected with radio-active tracer and had a gamma ray camera take shots of my heart.  It’s hard to describe the experience of lying flat on your back, arms over your head, and being raised to within an inch or so of the massive camera, and then waiting as the camera moves slowly over you, making various mechanical sounds.  Those were the “before” shots.  I then was given a drug that simulates what happens on a treadmill (without the endorphin high that exercise gives you.)   After that, it was back to the camera, then to my hospital room to wait for the Dr. Chu, the cardiologist.
When he arrived, he gave me one of those ambivalent diagnoses:  “Your tests are normal, just not normal enough.”
Ah, the absoluteness of uncertainty.
So that meant a heart catheterization and possibly angioplasty and a stint.
It also meant a long wait.  The procedure was roughly set for 7 a.m., but was then rescheduled for 1 p.m.  So there I was, waiting and worrying, but at least I was writing in my journal, something I once did virtually religiously for about ten years, but haven’t done so for more than ten.  Naturally I wrote about an incident in my teens when my dad nearly drove us into a freight train.  Ah, nothing helps you cope with a scary, dangerous situation than recalling an ever more dangerous, potentially deadlier incident from your past.  The impeding crisis pales in comparison as a result and makes it somehow easier to deal with.
When I was at last wheeled down for the catheterization, it was almost 1 p.m.  Fortunately I’d been given valium and Benadryl®.  By now I had grown use to being wheeled on a gurney all around the hospital—actually, just a section called the “Tower.”
It was much colder in cath lab than the rest of the hospital.  So the nurses covered me in a nice warm blanket.  The last time that had happened was when I was being prepped for surgery in 2002.
I’d had a catheterization before, as a preliminary to the heart surgery I had in 2002.  That was in the femoral artery in my groin, but this time the cardiologist, Dr. Chu, went in through my left wrist.  So there I was, flat on my back, my left arm stretched out and covered with the all the neat surgical stuff to focus the physician’s concentration.
The I was given a local anesthetic in the wrist, and a television monitor was brought over my head so I could see the procedure—although as I stared at the dark line that separated the top and bottom halves of the image I could only think how much it looked like the red line at center ice on a hockey rink.
After that, although was awake through the procedure, I can recall nothing, as I was given an amnesial through my IV tube.  Then the next thing I know I’m fully awake and alert and being told the procedure was complete, and that I didn’t get a tint because I didn’t need one.  Instead, it was to best treat with changes in my medications. 
Great news, I suppose, but it didn’t explain my jaw pain.  The cardiologist said he didn’t think it was angina, but the hospitaler (doctor connected to my PCP) thought it was.  In either case, my new meds were now to include\sublingual nitroglycerin.
At this point I was certain I would get to go home.  Except the air-filled plastic cuff on my wrist had to be carefully removed by first using a syringe to remove the air in increments 20 minutes apart.  But when the cuff was finally removed, a hematoma began to form at the incision site.  So the nurse put pressure on it, which meant the cuff had to be refitted and refilled and the whole process started all over again.   That added another couple of hours to my stay.
Nancy had come up to stay with me, despite her still having a “boot” for her broken ankle.  She’s hoped we’d get to go home together, but no go.  So Nancy had the friend who brought her up to the hospital take her home.
I, however, had to stay put.  In the crook of my arm I still had the IV, which was extraordinarily painful.
Almost as pain were the sticky backed electrodes stuck to my hairy chest so the transistor radio sized heart monitor hanging around my neck could send data to the nurses’ station terminals.  I have a very hairy chest.  The sticky on some of the electrodes often did not stick well to my skin, but extraordinarily well to the hairs themselves.  Those that did not stick initially were held down by strips of surgical tape.
Having them yanked off of my chest reminded of Steve Carrell getting his chest waxed in “The 40-Year Old Virgin.”
Over the four days I had had many of these stickers removed with a yank—mainly because no one seems to use the same leads on their heart monitors and that required replacing the incompatible electrodes with other, compatible ones.  These were usually larger and stronger adhesive.  Often at night they would be painfully torn off when I rolled over in the hospital bed.  The agony brought me rudely awake and invariably set off an alert to the nurses’ station telling them one of electrode leads was no longer connected.  The nurses then came in and used medical tape to hold the stickers back in place and place more chest hairs in peril.
Let me say that no torture, not even water boarding, equals the pain of having chest  (and arm) hairs ripped off repeatedly—and unexpectedly—several times a day.
On the plus side, it meant the nurses didn’t have to wake me up to give me my medications as I was already alert.  One positive aspect of being in the hospital was making friends with a really sweet Korean nursing assistant and with the phlebotomist, a bespectacled, talkative blonde from Colorado.  She told me about the new needles the hospital was using for blood extraction, and before I knew it she had drawn the several vials she needed and I hadn't feel a thing.  In fact, all the nurses went out of their way to be nice and friendly.  Sort of made me feel handsome and attractive. 

Finally, about midnight, the wrist incision was closed, the IV cannula and the electrodes were removed, I got dressed, picked up my things, and waited for a taxi, which the hospital kindly provided me with a voucher for.
Fifteen minutes later, I was inside my house and greeted by Nancy and the dogs, and I was able to sleep in my own bed.  Ecstasy.  In the morning I could make the arrangements to check in with the cardiologist and my primary care physician  and get my new meds.  And now I had good reason to blog about my travails.

Also, check out my review of Karen Halttunen's Confidence Men and Painted Ladies on GoodReads at <<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/692438.Confidence_Men_and_Painted_Women" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="Confidence Men and Painted Women: A Study of Middle-class Culture in America, 1830-1870" border="0" src="https://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1177291588m/692438.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/692438.Confidence_Men_and_Painted_Women">Confidence Men and Painted Women: A Study of Middle-class Culture in America, 1830-1870</a> by <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/321910.Karen_Halttunen">Karen Halttunen</a><br/>
My rating: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/695912224">5 of 5 stars</a><br /><br />
A fascinating and well argued book, Halttunen's work examines not just the attitudes, but the behaviors, of a critical generation in American history.  She argues how the industrial and market revolutions and burgeoning new cities placed tremendous stress on American society and rather than accept or embrace these changes, many groups tried to adapt older views to maintain their older but increasing irrelevant values.  <br /><br />While Haltunnen limits her study largely to the antebellum era, her ideas have fascinating implications for the rest of the nineteenth century and well into the twentieth.  What she describes is an America that was essentially a nation of strangers where trust of others was essential, yet where it was also undermined because appearances dominated and the constant reinventing of one's self was a requirement for success.  To counter the change, advice books appeared to advise rural youth on to recognize swindlers and jezebel,  These volumes on building character and achieving material success while maintaining traditional virtues were precursors to "self-help books like Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grew Rich" and   Dale Carnegies "How to Winn Friends," although with a stronger and more explicit Protestant moral veneer.<br /><br />Haltunnen also argues that while supposedly educating people on moral behavior, it also was being undermined by a society where success involved have some of the very con-men characteristics the books warn about.<br /><br />What is interesting to me, though, is how those advice books also eventually become virtual instruction manuals on how to impersonate the moral and virtuous person in order to better con your victims. 
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